May 07

Things that Wife has done in the past year:

- Constructed a printing press using leftover wood and a bottle jack.

- Used said press to do a run of cards.

- Dismantled said press to use bottle jack for transmission replacement in truck.

- Re-finished the interior of her truck using scrap parts from the wrecking yard.

- Attempted creation of Ugg boots that I’m positive would have been successful had I not informed her that I had already purchased some for her birthday.

- Constructed portable self-watering tomato planters.

- Created own belt buckle out of truck parts.

- Made a Frosty at home.

- Made a kajillion cocktail recipes that I could enjoy while I looked on at all of these shenanigans.

Jan 26

Wife and I spent a lovely time in the Russian River area this past weekend.  In part, we were on a small getaway for Wife’s birthday, and in part we were tagging along with some friends who were scouting the area for their wedding in 6 months.  All told, there were three couples total including us, which is the perfect number of people.  There’s enough variety in personality that there’s always someone to talk to, but not enough people to qualify for Too Large Crew.

There was much fun, laughter, booze, and mis-guided attempts to play Taboo.  Early in the evening I put my hair in numerous Princess Leia buns all over my head as the prospective bride, who had undergone a trial wedding hairdo that morning, gave me half of her bobby pins. At the bar after dinner, some poor sap put “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” on the jukebox, and in deference to my Colorado gals, I put on a spirited theatrical performance for the whole bar.  (Best question after: “Were you in Riverdance?”)  And even though there were aspects of the evening I regretted (namely, the ill-advised gimlet at the end of the night), it was fantastic to wake up the next morning and know that despite my foibles and quirks, and maybe because of, I have fun in my life.  In between asking Wife, “Wait.  Did I DANCE last night at that bar that was only a counter and had no discernible dance floor?,” I had moments of clarity that THIS is what it feels like to not give a shit.  To be me and to do what feels fun to me without caring if I came off as goofy or dorky.  Because the truth is I AM goofy and dorky.

I do a Riverdance in celebration of myself.

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Because of the distant wedding preparations of our friends, we spent a lot of time in the lodge dining room tasting different dishes, critiquing the bar’s selection, and being very amused by the Celine Dion-heavy music rotation.  Ha ha! said we about Celine Dion.  Can you imagine anything worse than Celine being played on your wedding weekend all the whole time? We started cringing with each new song on the track list.  (Is that a cover of MEATLOAF?)  So it was with relief that “The Girl from Ipanema” cued up, as who doesn’t love it?  We swayed in time, sighed “Ah!” at the appropriate junctures in the song, and were content.

But then, two songs later, it was on again.  Sure, it was a cover by a different artist, but still definitely about a girl.  From Ipanema.  We giggled.  What are the odds? we thought.  What were the odds indeed.  There was another cover a few songs later, and then, on the hour, it all started over.  Three versions of Ipanema in an hour.  We stopped swaying.  There was tension.  Suddenly, the song seemed menacing: “The girl from Ipanema goes walking / And when she passes, each one she passes goes – AAAAHHHH!”

I asked the management to please change the CD.  They forgot.  The girl from Ipanema kept walking.

I still have it in my head.

Oct 07

I have an ex-boyfriend who thought I was psychic.  I did little beyond the “aw shucks, nah” to dissuade him, mostly because it was fun for me that he thought I could see the future. It should be noted that he also thought his mom was psychic, and was perhaps not familiar with the word “intuition.”

Every once in awhile when I have a premonition based upon experience that turns out to be accurate, I give a little smile to the life I don’t lead where I could relate my fortune-telling abilities over dinner to a gullible audience.  That kind of thing would keep me entertained for a lot of meals.

Wife does not think that I am psychic, but she does know that I kick ass at Guitar Hero.

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Wife sent me this picture yesterday of the position Dog takes up when it is almost time for me to come home.  The shaft of light is coming through the screen door she is watching.

She is a good dog, even if she is not supposed to be in that chair.

Sep 21

In the context of a discussion of how Wife and I find it funny (weird, not ha ha) that there are now junior highs and high schools that cater to career paths, mainly because we find it difficult to believe that most children can accurately pick adult jobs at the ages of 12 or 14, Wife says:

“Kids aren’t even aware of what jobs are out there.  I mean, the world is not populated with cowboys, firemen, fairy princesses and ballerinas.”

For the record, I thought I would be President. I remember feeling all relieved that I only had to wait one year after I turned 35 for an election.  Because of how qualified I would already be, of course. I was already the class president in fourth grade.

Look for my campaign posters in the 2012 election season.

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Speaking of elections, it looks like there will be another Prop 8 vote in California in 2010.

I’m not ready.  I mean, yes it would be awesome if Prop 8 got overturned, and maybe it really WAS all just a misunderstanding and some people totally DID think they were voting “No” when they voted “Yes,” and maybe some old curmudgeons HAVE died and taken their votes with them, and maybe others HAVE realized just how much anyone else’s marriage does not affect his/her own.

But I’m not ready to be voted on again. I’m not ready to hear regular radio ads about how my wife and I are not as worthy of protection. I’m not ready to see signs in neighbors’ yards with happy little graphics of “real” families holding hands.

The powers-that-be keep taking surveys over whether this should be tackled in 2010 or 2012, and I want so badly for it to be 2012, but only because I’m not ready yet.

Bleaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Sep 17

In discussion of my suggestion that the Roman Catholic church use Communion wafers reminiscent of a decent candy, Wife said, “I think it should still be Necco Wafers. You can’t have TOO good of a candy. There’s something off about wanting to chow down on a bag of Jesus.”

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When asked what she would like on her gravestone* if she could choose anything, she responded, “My real name is Dick Whitman.”

*I don’t recall the context of why we were discussing this, but it didn’t seem that morbid at the time.

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