Whinging It

I generally abhor popular country music.  I mean, there are crossover pop artists I like, and I definitely had a line-dancing phase at the local country bar when I was in college.  But as a genre, I find it a little despicable that there is a school of music that celebrates ignorance, lauds inequalities between the sexes, and takes pride in blind devotion to God and country.

(We must now take a moment to note that I have nothing against God or country; I love both, but country music tends to take its adoration to extremes.  If you don’t love God or country without reservation, you’re going straight to hell.  Or Canada.  The singers see no distinction.)

I do have childhood soft spots for country singers of yore.  If my dad had it on 8-track, I’m a devotee.  I don’t necessarily recognize The Statler Brothers, The Oak Ridge Boys or Tom T. Hall as the great artists of their time, but it can be said of Johnny Cash, Loretta Lynn and Dolly Parton that they were the best at what they did.  (Do not cast shade on Dolly Parton.)

Of all of the country singers I adored from days gone by, though, no one held a candle to Kenny Rogers.  Perhaps my love of Kenny is entirely based in a fond memory I have of singing “The Gambler” with my dad, but Kenny, in my book, was awesome.

I’ll admit it was a blow to realize, after listening carefully to the lyrics, that the Gambler DIES, but it didn’t slow me down that much in my Kenny love.  As a child, I recognized that he was humorous — he was prone to songs with a silly lyric or two, and I liked that about him.  I mean, in “You Picked a Fine Time To Leave Me, Lucille,” it follows up with the witty “Four hundred children and a crop in the field.”

As a kid, I found that hilarious that anyone would have four hundred children.  As an adult, I thought it delightful that the listener can see what Lucille had to put up with, with her man prone to such egregious hyperboles.  If he’s going to exaggerate to such great lengths, he must’ve been hard to live with.  Good for you, Lucille! You leave that man!

But then.

But then the other day I totally randomly stumbled upon the lyrics to “Lucille,” and he’s talking about their four HUNGRY children.

Well now Lucille’s just a bitch.  And that song’s not even the least bit funny.

Beyonce cannot sing with the beat unless she is in a song by another artist in which she is “featured.”

I am alive, but work’s been crazy and my laptop died.

In compensation for impersonating the dead, here are two pictures:  One shows the architectural inclinations of one mutt, and the other encapsulates everything that’s awesome about Oakland.

She totally built this fort all by herself.

Ha!

Carry on.  I know I owe everyone an email, and apologize for my lameness.

It is raining today, the first big rain of winter in the Bay Area. This season is also known, in our household, as the season of the Magical Non-Peeing Dog.

On the fairest of days when the back door is wide open and both Dog and butterflies flit in and out of the house with ease and abandon, Dog will hold her bladder for eight hours without a thought.  But when it’s raining? It’s like she sucks in all liquid and declares that it never existed. We may as well barricade the way to the yard, as she won’t need to venture that direction until spring.

Another rain-brought phenomenon is that there is a direct correlation between how hard I try to make Dog go out and how cute she becomes.  At the first mention of that horrible, rain-filled area known as “outside,” her ears fold back demurely against her head, her eyes become liquidy soft, and she contorts her body into a fawn-like pose. It’s like she thinks that if she is just adorable enough, she won’t be made to stand in the horrible wet.

She’s totally right.

——————————————

I am just recovered from a bad cold (ixnay on suggesting it was winesay lufay), and it sucked.

In other news, the Pope is Catholic.

Trends or Pop Culture Phenomena I’m Convinced I Started:

- “Movie Jail,” as referenced on “Entourage.” I have a whole complex system detailing who is currently in jail, who is out on parole, repeat offenders, and a magical “Get out of jail free” card that is bestowed to Brendan Fraser because no matter how bad his movies are or will be, I cannot quit him. Even after my hair stylist told me he thinks Brendan Fraser has the worst toupee in all of Hollywood.

- Brown and pink as a fashionable color combination.

- Overalls with peasant blouses. (In the early 90s, not the 60s.)

Based on the Aforementioned, Get Ready for the Following Fads:
- Exhaustive discussions of what children should or should not be named.

- Ridiculous obsessions with the best way to do laundry. (Actually, the wheels are already in motion for a fad of people making their own laundry soap THAT I TOTALLY STARTED, but it’s still early days to declare it a real phenomenon.)

- Junior lifeguard camps for adults.

————————————————————–
Poor Ashley Judd
I read an article (or gossip item) today about how Ashley Judd’s going to Harvard for a degree in Public Administration, and she was referenced as the “Double Jeopardy” star.  I started to get all up in arms, all Really? You could only think of her role in “Double Jeopardy”? And then I couldn’t think of anything she’s done that’s more famous other than be sister and daughter of other famous people while looking like Charlize Theron’s less-hot older sister.

A quick check on IMDB only confirms her lackluster movie career.  I mean, of course “Heat” is probably the most famous movie she was in, but it’s only memorable to me as the most boy movie ever with the possible exception of “Point Break,” and I can’t even really place her in it which might be a direct result of having to spend the entire movie trying to tell Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro apart.  She was also apparently in “Natural Born Killers” but her scenes got deleted. Someone has a terrible agent.  Or isn’t that good of an actress.

Sorry, Ashley.  Good luck in your studies.

————————————————————–

The chickens are awesome and send their regards.  Now they must go back to complaining about that annoying black wolf that is always pointing at them.