Whinging It

In an effort to spread my re-found sunshine and smiles, I’ve been trying to find a way to volunteer for the gays.

My purposes for this are twofold:
(1) Help further the case for equality because I think it’s bullshit that I’ve had to re-do my will three times in the past year in an attempt to guess what my and Wife’s marital status is on any given day. (Also, y’know, we want to be treated equally and all that.)

(2) Feel warm and fuzzy about my selflessness in devoting time to others.

So basically I’m totally selfish about my motives for volunteering, but I’d guess there are worse things.

Anyway, turns out volunteering is hard, and not in the it’s-emotionally-draining-to-see-people-who-are-worse-off-than-you-and-aren’t-we-fortunate-and-shouldn’t-we-count-our-blessings kind of way.  It’s hard in the I-really-do-want-to-volunteer-please-let-me kind of way.  It seems the SF Bay Area is flush with people who want to help the gays.  Who would’ve guessed?

*Smacks forehead and possibly says with more than a hint of whining, “Why won’t they just let me HELP?” before consoling self with cookie.*

I’ve had to be put on waitlists at the National Gay Hotline (not its real name) as well as the Courage Campaign to be a grassroots leader in my area. (Am guessing I’ll be duking it out with other people who want to be leaders in my area. Possibly we can break it down by block.)  I was hoping to work with the gay teens because I really am completely and unselfishly concerned about their suicide rate, but again, it seems organizations are completely unwilling to just let people loose on vulnerable gay children. Cowards.

So. Waitlists to volunteer because of all the people clamoring to help and make a difference coupled with the possibility that I might be rejected. From VOLUNTEERING.

It’s times like this I end up loving my adopted town while secretly cursing it.

In the meantime, I’m going to join my neighborhood’s monthly clean-up and hope that if I show up with garbage bags and garden gloves, they’ll accept me with no reservations or special training.

I’ve been reading the “friends of the court” briefs files in support of and opposed to the case against Proposition 8.  Even emotionally invested, it’s interesting to see how differently peoples’ minds work, barring the nutcases who file briefs on behalf of God.  (Seriously.  Couldn’t even make it through that brief in case my brain left me for exposing it to such terrible atrocities.)

So far the best one I’ve read was filed in support of the Petitioners (anti-Prop 8) by Faith in America Inc.:

Proponents of Proposition 8 cannot credibly maintain that they have spent tens of millions of dollars protecting only a word. Either the word “marriage” is meaningless, or it conveys some sort of right. Either it is a harmless idea, or it is a status which is being withheld from a constitutionally suspect class of citizens for no cognizable state interest.

What purpose could the disparity in terms possibly serve, except to elevate one relationship to the “high social status” enjoyed by religious marriage and degrade the other? By insisting on the distinction, Proposition 8’s proponents ensure that it is pernicious.

I thought I’d gone through every argument for and against gay marriage in my head, but I’ve been uncovering several things that have never even occurred to me.  Say what you will about attorneys and how society has evolved with their influence; I admire the kind of critical thinking they employ and neck-sticking-out that they do every day for justice.

Here’s hoping that the California Supreme Court agrees with this reasoning and sets the precedent for equal protection of California citizens.

I’ve noticed within the past week that the Depression has lifted.  It’s funny: I could almost pinpoint to the day when it set in, but I only have a general awareness that it went away in the weeks since the New Year.  I guess it’s like a headache that way.

I am now able to complete tasks without Herculean efforts, and for the first time in a loooooooooooong time, I managed to go running yesterday, even if I did have to re-start at week one with Couch-to-5k. (Amount I care about re-starting: Zero.)

Best indicator that I am returning to normal*? I recently became obsessed with cleaning the laundry room.  Obsessed.

Things are looking up.

*”Normal” is of course subjective.  This references normal for me, which is probably not terribly normal in the grand scheme.

————————–

Despite my bitterness about the Warren situation, I really enjoyed the inauguration. Even though Obama’s speech was somber, I found that I liked being told the truth about the state of the union.  I liked feeling like I can make a difference and effect change along with the rest of my fellow citizens.  It’s crazy to me that I can feel so much hope in the middle of a description of all that has gone wrong in our country.

I watched the inauguration with a bunch of co-workers at the law firm where I work.  We were all silent; no one gave any commentary, but most of us were crying.  I loved that I could see such emotion in all of these people who I generally only see in a professional setting, and I loved how inspired this room full of cynics was.

————————–

Wife and I are off to Yosemite this weekend for what is promising to be a chilly weekend in a tent cabin. I look forward to small hikes, good food, and sitting by a fire with a lapful of knitting.

Never let it be said that I don’t know how to have a good time.

It’s time for year-end reviews of Dog and Cat.

Cat
Cat’s Duties and Accomplishments for 2008
Cat takes his job of lap-warmer very seriously, to the point that Management is thinking of re-working his job description to specify that lap-warming is only required on days in which the outside temperature falls below 70 degrees Fahrenheit. Some of Cat’s other duties were reduced this year, as his self-appointed title of Sleep Companion was rescinded when he could not maintain his position at the foot of the bed and instead kept attempting to make himself into a fur hat for Management’s head. Cat is also in charge of monitoring the static electricity levels for the household, making sure that it still exists every time a TV is turned off or that the newly-dry clothes have some in the dryer.

Cat’s Strengths
Cat has really taken his race-training to new levels this year. Management admires his dedication to sprint training even when it’s two o’clock in the morning. He is also very good at communicating feedback with loud purring and insistent or angry yelling about situations that are not to his liking.

Room for Improvement
Cat should consider wearing a watch or learning to tell time. Even though his daily compensation is doled out at promptly five o’clock in the evening, Cat starts demanding said compensation as early as two or three o’clock. This is distracting and annoying to Management.

Compensation/Bonus
Because Cat’s duties have been reduced during the year, Cat is not eligible for an annual bonus. Because Cat developed a weird habit mid-year of pooping on the laundry room floor, Cat’s raise has already been used on Oxy-clean products.

Dog
Dog’s Duties and Accomplishments for 2008
As Official Security Detail for the office, Dog does an excellent job of alerting Management when anything is even slightly out of place. It has, however, been expressed that perhaps Dog could learn to adjust her notifications according to the threat level so that similar frenzies are not enacted upon the visit of a mass murderer vs. a stray leaf or kitten. Regardless of whether or not this is possible, though, we all appreciate the sentiment.

Dog’s Strengths
The garden tomato crop this year was exceptional, and we have Dog to thank for keeping it clear of squirrels. Management thought this feat was worthy of extra compensation if it were not for the fact that Dog took it upon herself to consume the garden sweetpea crop. Dog also excels at her self-appointed duty of knowing where Cat is at all times. And while Cat has brought this up with HR on many occasions, Management finds it entertaining and does not require it to end. Last but not least, Management has been very impressed with Dog’s kangaroo impression.

Room for Improvement
While Management is hesitant to interfere in the personal habits of employees, there has been concern about Dog’s personal hygiene habits, namely that she smells like feet…all the time. There would not be so much concern if she did not insist upon napping/watching for pigeons in Management’s favorite chair, even though it has been expressed that she should not-so-much be in that chair.

Compensation/Bonus
Dog received her bonus early in the form of a ham bone, but with the ensuing puking and re-eating of said bonus, Management is considering scratching the entire bonus system altogether. As for regular compensation, because Management has been guilted into purchasing ridiculously expensive dog food, Management already feels like Dog is over-compensated.

Please place your paw-prints at the bottom of these evaluations for the record.  Thank you for postponing your respective naps.  Now back to work.

So my therapist wants me to learn how to deal with anger, both my own and others’. I tend to get stuck in fights or become unable to make myself heard in heated situations (”heated” meaning there might be the slightest raising of a voice), mainly because the emotion of anger is terrifying to me.  Like, zombie terrifying.

Note to all: In order to win an argument with me, pretend you’re mad. I’ll back down in fear.

My doctor (She’s a Ph.D., not an M.D., so is it still appropriate to call her MY doctor, or is she just A doctor?) suggested I start this process by getting angry in safe situations.  For example, if I’m annoyed with wife, I shouldn’t swallow the annoyance, but should allow myself to feel it and then voice it at that time. It turns out that this is a slightly flawed exercise because I’m not annoyed with Wife that often, and it’s really just kind of weird to sit around waiting to be annoyed by something she does.  (Not that my doctor said I should sit around waiting for annoyance, but I tend to be the type of student who, when she receives an assignment, wants to complete said assignment.)  I mean, is it even really that SMART to be annoyed by the woman who picks one’s lazy ass up from the bus stop, makes her a cocktail and dinner, and then lets her watch “Miss America: Countdown to the Crown” with little or no complaint? I feel like expressing a tiny irritation with Wife might just start to highlight that my contributions to our household consist of cleaning up the few dishes she doesn’t do while preparing dinner, and feeding the dog a canful of food.

Anyway, in order to get angry, I think I’m going to have to look outside my household.  Perhaps I can find some fans of Bill O’Reilly with whom to be friends. Maybe seek out people who hate puppies or something.

By the way, “Miss America: Countdown to the Crown” is awesome.