Whinging It

If you want the “All Sad, All the Time” channel, you’ve come to the right place. Our motto: “If there are tears, you’re here!”

I’m still just sad. Stymied in a mire of hurt and depression and anxiety. And crying. Never forget the crying.

And now a commercial break for non-smearing mascara.

I had a little rally there a while back where I thought I was climbing out of this pit of despair, but I got all cocky.  And now there are new depths in which to fall.  Stupid depths.  Stupid, hateful, lame rock bottom.

My therapist still has concerns about my lack of anger. She thinks (and I don’t know whether to agree at this point) that the only way I’m going to move on from sad is to get angry.

This is a major stumbling block for someone who doesn’t know how to get angry.  We joked at my last session that I’ll have to find a book on how to get angry.  We joked, but I looked to see if there is one, and thank Amazon, there is.

And so, this weekend, I will be completing exercises and worksheets on how to get angry.

It all sounds so civilized and non-anger inducing.  But we’ll see.

During the CA Supreme Court proceedings today, I had moments of  hope and moments of anxiety and fear.  My feeling, based upon the justices’ questions, is that Prop. 8 will be upheld (bad for us), but that the marriages performed during the interim between the Marriage Cases and the election will be considered valid (good for me, but tragic for other gay Californians).

However, as my crystal ball is not working and my psychic powers are on the fritz, there’s really no telling.

I can say, however, that it was an extremely surreal experience to have my marriage debated as an abstract legal theory by Ken Starr.

Also, I’m pretty sure that bursting into tears when one’s co-worker asks how the hearing went is unprofessional, but I’d have to consult my handbook under “sobbing during small talk.”