To all of the lovely people who have requested to follow me on Twitter,*
Awwwwwwwww. You really think you would want the day-to-day chicken announcements and ponderings to which you would be subjected if I were on Twitter? How sweet of you. Let me assure you: You would not.
Despite my love of blogs and my begrudging acceptance that I will be labeled un-American if I give up my Facebook and LinkedIn accounts, I have not taken a shine to Twitter.
Twitter makes me feel outsider-y. I used to follow a few people, and mostly just ended up all annoyed because of how often it seemed like I was eavesdropping on a conversation, and even when Twitter fixed that and told people how to properly address other Twitterers so that the rest of us in the fringe crowd were not bombarded with one-line private jokes directed at one or two people, the offending Twitterers STILL didn’t do it correctly, and that just made me even more irritated.
And truth be told, I don’t really need more excuses to be annoyed at people on the Internet as I already spend way too much time reading comments on articles about civil rights. Man are people racist.
To put this dislike of Twitter in perspective, however, I should disclose that I also, in manner of a grumpy old man: (a) Refuse to spend more than $70 per year on cell phone usage; (b) Hate texting as just goddamn spell out your words already with some semblance of grammar and also stop interrupting your real-life conversations because you just received an important message from someone I can only assume is your 13-year-old girlfriend who wants to ask if you h8d Jessycas hair 2 and are you going to meet up b4 assembly tomorrow LOL?**; (c) Have not, to my knowledge, heard a Miley Cyrus song.
*This salutation unexplainedly got the Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson classic, “To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before,” in my head. Dammit. That’s what I get for complaining about others’ Twitter habits.
**Wife is an avid texter, so of course this criteria doesn’t extend to HER. Or YOU, of course.
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Wife and I went to Denver last weekend so I could be in Amber’s wedding, which was fun and made all the more memorable by the rain that fell throughout the outdoor ceremony. I’ve decided bridesmaids are more charming when huddled together under an umbrella.
